Paving The Path

When you’re just under a year away from the big 30!…and you aren’t where you wanted to be, it may just be that time to evaluate, or in my case, more dramatically some kind of life crisis.

Since graduating in combined history of art and literature, I have done two years of voluntary work in art galleries and centres, with the aim of working in an art gallery…whilst getting wrapped up in a sales role, moving location and going back to retail – which I never ever wanted to do ever again!

I’m not going to lie, I expected by now, to be in NYC and in a paid role or working towards a paid role in the arts – oh yeh, when I dream, I dream big!

The voluntary experience in the arts spaces haven’t been exactly what I was expecting, its more corporate than creative. Although due to this, it has woken my creative side, that has been missing for a while and since I then have been creating and experimenting with a variety of art forms and styles.

That sales role that I got caught up in gave me confidence with people, which I needed – I had been a home student, business owner from home and more often than not, a recluse! That sales role also planted that point of positivity vs negativity and  I’m hoping, if you’re reading this, that you see the positive comments outweigh the negative! 🙂

My conclusion of the arts progression, or lack of, would be not having enough focus. I keep applying for various positions, including voluntary placements that would help hone in on specific skills to further the skills set and movement in this industry – but haven’t nailed any!…yet! I say ‘yet’ as I’m sure my calling, or position, is on its way soon!

As for NYC… Well, earlier this year I moved from a small town in England, to the city of Bristol in England. The idea was, seeing it as a stepping stone towards NYC and for more work opportunities in the arts. Of course, this was a real eye-opener in the concept and necessities that would be needed for NYC!… And am currently not in a position to save anything for NYC – doesn’t mean it’s not going to happen, I’m just going to have to work much harder for it!

This brings me back to work!
– perhaps I haven’t nailed that position yet because it’s not my path. I would like to be self-employed again. I’ve never been much of a follower and am very much a believer of paving your own path…and let’s face it, if you’re paving your own path, how can you do that if you’re applying, waiting and expecting others to offer you that position to follow them!? Perhaps my creativity came back for a reason. Perhaps I could open my own shop for art and prints or whatever.
– Perhaps I should have studied philosophy! 😉

My creativity though, is messy, no focus, and everyone keeps saying that I need to find my ‘style’ in order to go anywhere with it. That just seems so restrictive to me. I want my art to be free. I don’t want to be just one thing. I get so addictive to things that I come across, I’m like ‘I wanna do that!’ She says, not making productive time of her insomniatic outbursts! I just want to create, make, inspire even and let out my creative flair. Go where the wind takes me – so to speak – in my creative pursuits! I want to be a…

Artist; artist of many forms; illustrator; illustrator of my own stories; typographer/calligrapher; calligraphy of the most funny and random quotes that my family, friends and myself come out with; leader; a voice; a voice to those that need it; a voice to lead or inspire oppressed women, men and children; a voice in the writing; a writer; writer of children’s stories; writer of YA literature; screenwriter, playwright – I have a dark and beautiful idea for a ballet production; creator; producer; director; photographer; prop-maker; dressmaker; fashion designer; heck – even a song writer… my dancing skills are dire by the way! 

Do you see where I’m at? I want to be all of that…whilst also being the best mum that I can be to my son. Is there such a thing as being overambitious? Or are they all my callings? How do you deal or focus with all of that? Can’t I be a multi, non-restrictive creator of all sorts!? I need to start paving my career path…with intent and focus (if I can muster some of that up)…and get on with this or these creative ventures!

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